There are those mornings where your slumber lifts slowly. With my eyes still shut, the haze disappears. Realities of life begin layering. “This is Sunday; I can lie here in bed a little longer.” ” I haven’t finished my paperwork for Parent-Teacher Conferences this week. What am I talking about, I haven’t even started.” The surrealism of sleepy thoughts. “I wonder how that texting conversation went last night between the two sisters.“ “Since I made the house payment yesterday, I’d better transfer in more money.” “There’s those extra train tickets to deal with. Wonder whose feelings are going to get hurt this time…”
It’s all trivia. Tedious stuff, really. I tell myself to be grateful for that. “It’s not big stuff. Not today. You should be glad it’s just this.” But I’m feeling the pressure mount. Layers. I tug at my warm quilt and pull it up over my shoulders. My husband is breathing next to me; that’s nice. Soothes me.
“What should I wear today? Maybe my brown boots. Wonder if it’s gotten colder outside.” “It’s my sister’s birthday. I hope her card arrived already.” “What’s going to happen next to our country? How should I prepare for that?”
I become aware of birds now; they’re chirping their morning greetings outside my balcony door. Lying motionless, I open my eyes. Grey sunlight is slipping through the slats of my blinds. Warmless sun. I grab my phone from next to my bed–(Reality Check: NEW phone, I dropped my trusty Droid one too many times and spent hours at Verizon just yesterday-) My plan is to find my sister on Facebook and start her day off with a birthday message. Here she is…Sixteen people already beat me to it. Well, that’s good, I guess!
My mind chatters again. “Somebody make the bombing stop in Syria.” “We should probably finish decorating the Christmas tree today.” “I could bake cookies. But then I’ll eat them. So there’s that.” “My sweet neighbor-lady just became a grandma this week and I think the baby is at her house.” Random stuff. “I hope my grandkids loved The Nutcracker last evening. They’re young; SO young. But I think they loved it. I want them happy every second of their lives.” Ugh. Powerless to make that happen for them. Didn’t work for any of us, I guess. “I hope my father’s pain is subsiding. I hope my daughter remembered to take her insulin shot last night. I hope–”
Scrolling now through the newsfeed. My cousin posted that he’s making himself be grateful for getting his socks wet when his refrigerator puddles up. Trying to wrap my head around that. Somebody’s dog photo. My young friend hopes she doesn’t start up with the heroin again. Geez. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Oh, here’s a message from another sister; I am blessed with four of them. Six, really. Cause my sister-in-laws are sisters. Jenny’s Facebook post resonates inside me today. I needed this:
“SOMETIMES THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS NOT THINK, NOT WONDER, NOT IMAGINE, NOT OBSESS. JUST BREATHE, AND HAVE FAITH THAT EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT FOR THE BEST.”
I let that sink in a little bit longer, knowing I’ve probably told people that message before. Plenty of people. Today I will practice it. Thanks, Jenny, for the Heart Hinge. Thanks for taking time to do that. Happy birthday, Julie. And many, many more. Happy Sabbath, everyone. The sky through the slats is peeking in with a little more blue.